How to Write a Query Letter That Makes Agents Feel Something ⋅ The Manuscript Academy

There’s a recurring question in our weekly agent events: Why isn’t my query working?

Often (we do tend to attract really smart writers!) the premise is solid, the comp titles make sense and follow the rules, the sentences are strong and the concept is good.

So, what’s going wrong? Why are agents passing?

Here’s what we see again and again: The query doesn’t have anything technically wrong with it. But it describes the book from 10,000 feet instead of making an agent feel it on the ground.

At our recent Member Lounge: Interactive Query Consultation Workshop, Jessica Sinsheimer and Manuscript Academy co-founder Julie Kingsley reviewed six real queries from six courageous writers–and the lesson that surfaced in nearly every session was the same: the most powerful thing a query can do is make an agent feel something.

Ultimately, in an inbox receiving ~40 submissions a day, your best bet is to be vivid, memorable, and emotionally clear.

So how do you do that?

Lead With Power, Not Problems

Think of your query like a camera: whatever is closest to the camera seems largest, and whatever goes at the top of your query gets the most emphasis. Plus, we’ll read the rest of the query through that lens.

If the first image is a series of bad things happening to your character, agents will read the entire query bracing for 300 pages of suffering.

Instead, lead with what your character wants–why they can’t have it–and what they can do. Even in the most trauma-forward stories, your protagonist has agency, skill, will, and/or humor. Show us that first. Then introduce the conflict.

“We want your character and the conflict to feel evenly matched. We don’t want to watch bad things happen to good people for 300 pages.”

— Jessica Sinsheimer

When one writer pitched us her historical western, she started with bad things that happened to her character. Great book, beautiful writing. But the query buried the best part: the actual opening scene, in which the MC kills a bad guy in front of the whole bar–and it turned into a meet-cute with the love interest. That’s who the MC is. That’s the character we want to follow. Lead with power and agency, and the whole query changes.

Show, Don’t Explain (Applied to Queries)

Yes, it’s the oldest writing advice there is. (We hate it too.) And it applies just as much to your query as it does to your pages.

Instead of telling us your protagonist felt trapped by the expectations of her roles as wife and mother, show us the image that made her feel that way. The crushed goldfish crackers she’s scrubbing out of the carpet while simultaneously preparing to host a PTA soufflé dinner for twelve. One vivid image communicates more than a paragraph listing all the ways she feels.

“It’s faster and easier for the reader to relate to if you give us evocative imagery. We can see ourselves in the book — and then want to read it.”

— Jessica Sinsheimer

This is especially important for memoir writers, who often default to a kind of analytical distance in their queries. Your pages might be vivid and immediate. Your query might be floating somewhere above the actual experience. Drop back into the senses. Give us the scene.

Remember–the best queries make sense on intellectual, visual, and emotional levels. Get all three to work for you, and you’re likely to stick in an agent’s mind for a long time.

The “Point of Light” Principle

When your story deals with trauma, difficulty, or darkness, your query must also give the agent a reason to believe in the narrator’s survival. Not by downplaying the hard stuff–that might feel disrespectful–but by offering what Julie calls a “point of light.”

This might be a flash of dark humor. A detail of beauty in the midst of ugliness. A moment of connection. A hint of who the narrator is now, on the other side, so we don’t worry so much while reading. It will make the discomfort tolerable, knowing it’s temporary. It signals: this person made it through. It’s safe to follow them into this world.

Think of Unbroken: relentless suffering, but we never doubt the protagonist will survive, because his resilience is woven into every chapter. Or think of the weather metaphor Jessica offered:

“The entire sky can be clouded, but if there’s one bright piece we can see, we’re okay. We need that moment.”

Jessica Sinsheimer

If you write memoir, literary fiction, or any story with heavy themes, add the point of light to your query. It isn’t sentimentality. It’s strategic.

Your Character Needs a Specific Want

No matter how expansive your themes–systemic corruption, colonial history, gender and faith, the nature of democracy– your character needs a specific, personal want. A concrete thing they’re reaching for. Bonus points if we can relate.

In YA, this looks like: 17-year-old May just wants [X]. In adult fiction, it might be: June wants to protect her girls and get through the night unharmed. In memoir: What I really wanted was financial and intellectual freedom–and permission to want it at all.

Specific. Personal. Urgent.

The Query Is a Trailer, Not a Synopsis

Your query isn’t meant to summarize your book–it’s meant to make someone buy a ticket to see it.

Quick, vivid flashes of your world. An emotional hook. A promise about how the journey will feel. You’re not answering every question; you’re raising the right ones. “I have to read this to find out what happens” is the feeling you’re after.

If you’re wondering what to cut, start with explanation. Cut the parts where you’re telling us how to interpret the story. Give us the images that make us feel something, and trust us to do the interpreting.

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Want more query help? Join us for our next member event–and check out our Query Checklist and How To Add Query Stakes (a big part of making agents feel something!) posts.

Ready to find the right agent for your work? Our Smart Search tool now includes Bluesky posts and ManuscriptWishList.com data — it’s the best place to start your research.